2017 was confusing...

2017 was the best and worst year of my life. Which is why I'm not sure how to react to it. Do I write a blog post about all the incredible things the year brought me? Or all of the crappy things I went through? Or both? Maybe I'll just write random things and see where it takes me...

2017 improved my personality A LOT. I went to Southeast Asia to volunteer my help at an Elephant Conservation Centre, I got my first job, I got my first tattoo, I got through some anxiety issues, and I forced myself to become more sociable. I became more confident, more forgiving, more friendly, and more understanding. However, this unfortunately didn't make me more happy.

I really struggle with my happiness, and I know the exact reasons why. But the reasons are not fixable at this stage in my life. I won't tell you the reasons, because they are completely unjustifiable and completely stupid, if I'm honest. But that sums me up as a person.

Although 2017 brought me some incredible achievements (travelling on my own, taking on more volunteering opportunities, being awarded my fourth scholarship, and getting a job), 2017 has also been a really difficult year for me.

Each day at uni is a struggle to get through because of various health issues. I won't go into too much detail, but I have issues with my body which I try to hide in lectures and seminars, and causes a crazy amount of anxiety when I struggle to hide this issue. Therefore, I have missed numerous things on my timetable because I feel like a failure and feel as though I can't get through a single 1-hour lecture without having a full on freak-out. 

2017 also damaged some relationships for me with people. Summer 2017 was the best and worst summer of my entire life, because I damaged a relationship with one of my favourite people but I also accomplished a 12-hour flight to Laos and got to meet lots of elephants. 2017 just confuses me so much.

What a crazy year. What a sometimes depressing, sometimes happy, mostly stressful year! I'm hoping to make some serious changes in 2018. I'm going to start with actually getting help with my issues (even though my doctor's appointments in the past have SUCKED), forgiving and forgetting with a certain someone, actually attending as many lectures and seminars as I can, and focusing on the little happy things in my life more. I'm going to be as sociable as I can (this is something I struggle with due to my Asperger's), and I'm going to make it a happy year. Not a confusing one like 2017, but a happy one.

I hope you all have a lovely Christmas and a happy new year! I'm hoping this time next year I can say that I'm completely 100% happy in my life, whereas right now I'm a solid 68%.

-bunnydiver.