How An Introvert Gained Confidence

I've decided to start being a lot more personal on my blog. I don't only want to write product reviews; I want to start writing about my personal life a bit more. So today's post is going to be about confidence - which is something I have struggled with all my life. When I say confidence, I mean in terms of speaking to people, not in terms of body confidence. I don't struggle with body confidence at all. I do, however, struggle with anything that involves social interaction.

Here's a bit of background info: I have Asperger's Syndrome which, unfortunately, means that I am TERRIBLE at social interaction. I'm that awkward person who looks uncomfortable all the time, says the wrong things and doesn't make any friends. My Asperger's means that social interactions can be a bit too overwhelming for me at times, resulting in me panicking during normal conversations and people thinking I'm a freak. However, my life started changing for the better when I moved to college at age 16.
In my first year of college in 2013, I somehow got a boyfriend. And managed to keep that boyfriend until the present day (that's three and a half years!!). I also made two of my greatest friends EVER (John and Will are the best <3). I often wonder: "how the hell did I manage to do that when I was at my worst state in terms of confidence?!". I wouldn't speak to anyone in my classes, I wouldn't go to social events, and I always tried to leave situations where I had to speak to people. When my boyfriend asked me to be his girlfriend, I told him I had to leave to watch Coronation Street - you know you're pretty socially awkward when that's your response to someone devoting their love to you.

Over the past three years, I have concentrated on my confidence a sh*t load, and this has impacted on my social skills too. On impulse, I will say yes to opportunities and force myself to do them because I know it will increase my confidence. Some examples of this:

1. I decided to go to Asia this Summer to work in an elephant conservation camp and teach English to children
2. I have started volunteering with elderly people every week
3. I went on holiday with my two friends to Malaga - something I never thought I'd have the courage to do
4. I moved 3 hours away from home to university, by myself, to live with 6 strangers
5. I joined Pole Fitness
6. Just two weeks ago, I went to a flat party with my boyfriend to meet a load of older people who neither of us had ever met before!

Even just simple things like going for coffee with my friends is difficult for me. But each day I appreciate the fact that I actually had the confidence to make friends, therefore I never pass on an opportunity to spend time with them.

Gaining confidence is a slow process. However, doing little things each day will drastically change your life. Even little things like having a good conversation with my flatmates and not saying anything awkward makes me proud and shows me how far I've come.

I've got a long way to go, and each time I mess up I just think: "It's fine, I'm Aspergic! I have an excuse for this!". The dream would be to overcome this, and for conversations to be easy and natural for me. 

I'm a lot better than I used to be and I'm definitely showing improvement. I just need to keep trying my best. If you struggle with social confidence too, then perhaps make it a goal to say yes to an opportunity that you wouldn't normally feel brave enough to do!

I hope this has helped at least one of you. We will all gain confidence eventually, we just need to try a bit more. 

Do you like these types of blog posts? Let me know what else you'd like me to talk about - my mind always has something to say!

-bunnydiver.